Definitely Limericks

I wrote these for the Omnificent English Dictionary in English Form, a magnificent, ambitious, and slightly insane attempt to write a limerick for every word in the English language, one letter group at a time. You can see my additions and revisions there, but I like to keep them here as well; the menu below leads to permanent pages for each letter group. You can also see some co-written pieces, an area especially aimed at OEDILFers, and a page of limerick biographies of famous artists.

My husband likes shopping—according
To him, getting more is rewarding.
But enough is enough:
We’ve amassed too much stuff,
And our children accuse us of hoarding.

His devices make Ivan content,
But concerned once their power is spent.
When his iPhone gets flatter, ’e
Charges the battery
Till it’s 100%.

On a wet British Thursday in June,
A leader the press thought a loon—
Labour’s Jeremy Corbyn—
Proved far more absorbin’
To voters. PM? Maybe soon.

After a 2017 general election campaign that began with the expectation of huge Labour losses, Corbyn defied his critics and attracted significant numbers of voters to Labour, thanks to a strong personal performance, a radical party manifesto, and a lacklustre campaign by Theresa May and the Tories. The result was a hung parliament, which leaves open the possibility of a minority Labour government or fresh elections, if Tory attempts to continue as a minority government collapse.

The thought of a general election
Fills Remainers with abject dejection,
As Brexiteers glory
In thoughts of a Tory
Supremacy, free from correction.

When it was called on 18 April 2017, Theresa May’s snap election of 8 June was widely expected to increase the Conservative majority in the UK House of Commons and devastate a Labour opposition twenty points behind in the polls, giving the Tories carte blanche in Brexit negotiations.

On the steppe, long before we were born,
Roamed a beast with an eminent horn:
The elasmothere—rhino,
Or unicorn? I know,
The theory elicits some scorn.

This giant extinct relative of woolly and modern rhinoceroses could, it seems, have been the basis for the legendary unicorn: a skull found in Kazakhstan in March 2016 dates to 29,000 years ago, well within the period of human habitation. The best known is Elasmotherium sibiricum, which was the size of a mammoth and probably as woolly, and may even be depicted in paleolithic cave paintings in France.

A frugivorous diner eats fruit.
Take the toucan, whose beak is a beaut:
He’ll strip a whole tree
Of its guavas with glee.
(What, you thought they ate Froot Loops? How cute.)

Kellogg’s Froot Loops taste samey as hell,
But cartoon toucan mascots can sell
Any sugary cereal
To kids, which I’m leery’ll
Soon mean my two cannot spell.

Apparently, individual Loops are all the same artificial froot flavour despite their different colours. Toucan Sam clearly won’t be winning any spelling bees.

Latest · A-Ab · Ac-Ad · Ae-Af · Ag-Ah · Ai-Aj · Ak-Al · Am-An · Ao-Ap · Aq-Ar · As-At ·
Au-Av · Aw-Az · Ba-Bd · Be-Bh · Bi-Bn · Bo-Bq · Br-Bt · Bu-Bz · Ca-Cd · Ce-Cg · Ch · Ci-Ck · Cl-Co · Cp-Cr · Cs-Cz · Da-Dd · De-Dh · Di-Dn · Do · Dp-Dr · Ds-Dz · Ea-Ed · Ee-El · Em-En · Eo-Es · Et-Ez · Fa-Fd · Fe-Fh · Fi-Fo · Fp-Ft · Fu-Fz · Ga-Gd · Ge-Gh

Front · Archives · Detail · Found · Limericks · Cartoon Lounge · The Stand-Up
Pacific Politics · Rory Central · In Theory · ©2004-17 Rory Ewins