Definitely Limericks
I wrote these for the Omnificent English Dictionary in English Form, a magnificent, ambitious, and slightly insane attempt to write a limerick for every word in the English language, one letter group at a time. You can see my additions and revisions there, but I like to keep them here as well; the menu below leads to permanent pages for each letter group. You can also see some co-written pieces and an area especially aimed at OEDILFers.
The dollar’s a currency unit.
Ascetics and hermits impugn it,
But others embrace it.
We love it, let’s face it.
Let roses and daisies festoon it!
Given all that the name represents
(More enticing than shillings and pence—
Far less baggage, you see),
Many countries agree:
Calling currencies dollars makes sense.
Fully 36 countries use 22 different kinds of dollars, from the familiar US, Canadian, Australian, New Zealand, Singapore and Hong Kong dollars to those of Tuvalu, Belize and Kiribati. Many were introduced in the aftermath of decolonization, replacing local or British pounds, shillings and pence.
Does a dodo have doeskin? Oh, no.
No, he doesn’t. That skin’s from a doe.
No, a dodo has feathers,
Not smooth, supple leathers—
Or did when he lived, long ago.
He declared on his lengthy CV,
“I am doing my third PhD.
Merely one’s not enough
Of that doctoral stuff,
And two doctorates? No! I want three.”
The Doctor replaces his faces
On a semi-occasional basis.
As a Timelord, he tries
To prevent the demise
Of the Universe (where Time and Space is).
Why explore London’s Docklands by car?
You could go by, instead, DLR,
And be travelling light
Until late in the night.
Rail’s superior, guv’nor, by far.
Kampuchea, the land of Pol Pot,
Though it claimed to be, really was not
In the least “Democratic”.
DK’s chief fanatic
Killed millions; most starved or were shot.
Procreation, dear readers, is rife
With all manner of trouble and strife.
In the midst of each cell
Sits the ladder to hell:
DNA is the spiral of life.
For a couple of years, D&D
Was no game, but a calling for me:
Rolling dice with ten sides,
Reading handbooks and guides,
And dispatching a kobold or three.
“Your level one Dwarf rolls a six,
And his axe chops the door into sticks.”
“And now—we attack!”
“You’ve been stabbed in the back.”
“Hey, DM, what’s your game with these tricks?”
Your game is Dungeons & Dragons and you are the Dungeon Master, the one orchestrating the worlds your fellow players explore.
Spinning records did not, as a rule,
Win me nods of approval at school,
But now manning the decks
Earns me oodles of sex,
Because superstar DJs are cool.
What’s that metal thing, knobbly and squat?
“EX–TER–MIN–ATE!” Aaaargh, I’ve been shot!
Now my body’s dissolved.
There’s the mystery solved:
It’s a Dalek. Who could have forgot?
You claim it’s a promising trend?
Your hopes are unfounded, my friend.
We’re still at the start, and
I’m feeling disheartened;
Just wait till we get to the end.
“A hung parliament? Surely you’re jokin’!”
Yes, the voters of Britain have spoken,
And they all disagree.
Sounds normal to me—
Who says our democracy’s broken?
In memory of the 2010 UK General Election.
A voluminous intake of ash
Could invite an involuntary crash
Should a jumbo jet fly
Through volcano-stained sky,
Which is why we’re erupting our cash.
My family’s flight home was scheduled to land an hour after the UK closed its airspace on 15 April 2010 because of ash from Eyjafjallajökull in Iceland. It takes a lot longer to drive home from southern Spain to Scotland than it did to fly the other way, and costs about five times as much.
