Definitely Limericks

I wrote these for the Omnificent English Dictionary in English Form, a magnificent, ambitious, and slightly insane attempt to write a limerick for every word in the English language, one letter group at a time. You can see my additions and revisions there, but I like to keep them here as well; the menu below leads to permanent pages for each letter group. You can also see some co-written pieces, an area especially aimed at OEDILFers, and a page of limerick biographies of famous artists.

My bruvver loves violence: he cuts
Through his foes with a kick to the nuts,
A few blows to the head
And some stab-wounds. Mum said,
“Our boy Nigel enjoys blood ’n’ guts.”

I’m workin’ my way ’round Bilbao,
Eatin’ pintxos while bar-hoppin’. How
’Bout that shiny ol’ Guggenheim!
’Sfabulous lookin’. I’m
Due más cerveza ’bout now...

Frank Gehry’s extraordinary titanium-clad design for the Guggenheim Museum Bilbao immediately made it one of Europe’s most famous buildings, and put the biggest city of the Basque Country squarely on the tourist map. Pintxos (the Basque spelling; in Spanish, pinchos), named for the toothpicks that hold them together, are the local tapas served in bars for a euro or two apiece. They’re often elaborately designed and almost always delicious—the perfect excuse to keep drinking beer.

Let’s rejoice, Aussies all, ’cos we’re girt
(That’s encircled) by sea. Rip the shirt
Off your back, and lie down
On the beach ’til you’re brown
(Though some 50+ sunscreen won’t hurt).

Said Polly to Percy, “I balk
At your cunning endeavours to talk.
Such obsequious mimicry
Is obvious gimmickry.
An honest pet parrot would squawk.”

From the tip of his sword to the hilt,
Every surface was covered in gilt.
I inquired, feeling bold,
“Is that glister all gold,
Or from traces of blood thou hast spilt?”

Mr Hooper’s retirement gift
Was a timepiece too heavy to lift.
“What’s this clock made of, lead?”
He exclaimed—then dropped dead.
“Hooper’s present no longer,” we sniffed.

We learn, from the time when we’re small,
That giraffes are incredibly tall.
They have knobs on their head,
And aren’t stripy—instead,
They have spots. And long tongues. And that’s all.

Pronouncing the image-type GIF
Has sparked many a web-user tiff.
Is it “jif”, like giraffe?
Or like giggle? Don’t laugh,
’Cos it’s “jif”, its inventor says. Stiff.

As if.

Young Millennials crave each new app;
Aging Boomers would rather a nap;
While Gen X, in between—
Seldom heard, seldom seen—
Rules supreme in the generation gap.

Gen Xers are known for our sense of irony.

These rundown apartments need paint,
But their period features are quaint.
If we gentrify one
By repairing it, none
Will object, because classy it ain’t.

I say, fellows—well you may scoff,
But because the man called me a toff
There can be little doubt of it:
When he shouted, “Get out of it!”
That ill-mannered oik meant “piss off”.

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