I wrote these for the Omnificent English Dictionary in English Form, a magnificent, ambitious, and slightly insane attempt to write a limerick for every word in the English language, one letter group at a time. You can see my additions and revisions there, but I like to keep them here as well; the menu below leads to permanent pages for each letter group. You can also see some co-written pieces, an area especially aimed at OEDILFers, and a page of limerick biographies of famous artists.
On the steppe, long before we were born,
Roamed a beast with an eminent horn:
Or unicorn? I know,
The theory elicits some scorn.
This giant extinct relative of woolly and modern rhinoceroses could, it seems, have been the basis for the legendary unicorn: a skull found in Kazakhstan in March 2016 dates to 29,000 years ago, well within the period of human habitation. The best known is Elasmotherium sibiricum, which was the size of a mammoth and probably as woolly, and may even be depicted in paleolithic cave paintings in France.
A frugivorous diner eats fruit.
Take the toucan, whose beak is a beaut:
He’ll strip a whole tree
Of its guavas with glee.
(What, you thought they ate Froot Loops? How cute.)
Kellogg’s Froot Loops taste samey as hell,
But cartoon toucan mascots can sell
Any sugary cereal
To kids, which I’m leery’ll
Soon mean my two cannot spell.
Apparently, individual Loops are all the same artificial froot flavour despite their different colours. Toucan Sam clearly won’t be winning any spelling bees.