Definitely Limericks: Gp-Gr

I says to my local GP,
“Doctor, doctor, I think I’m a tree!”
Says the doc, “I’ll be brief—
Time to turn a new leaf.”
Then he fashions a table from me.

To post your epistle, just go
To the heart of the city, and show
Your sealed, addressed letter
To the clerk—as you’d better
Buy stamps—at the grand GPO.

Metrosexual bible GQ
Is compulsory reading if you
Want a monthly, slick fashion
Magazine with a passion—
A gentleman knows what to do.

A penniless graduate student
Met a nudist with penis protrudent.
Said his new nudie buddy,
“Here’s a thing you can study.”
Said he, “A small grant would be prudent.”

To know better their gods, Graeco-Roman
Adorers would watch for an omen:
From Olympus on high
Comes a bolt from the sky!
Oh, that Jupiter/Zeus, such a showman.

Teaching simple grammatical rules
Is deficient today in our schools.
Take this principal’s letter:
“We could of done better.”
My five-year-old could have, you fools.

My son’s children? Oh my, they’re all grand:
There’s Charlotte, Amelia, and
Isabella, Sophia,
And Ella, and Mia,
And Harry. A few more than planned.

My granny resides in a flat
At the back of our house, with her cat,
Her collection of spoons,
And her Matt Monro tunes.
Why not stop for some tea and a chat?

My slavering maw is agape
At its sweet, oval, purple-skinned shape.
What a beautiful morsel!
No possible force’ll
Prevent me from peeling a grape.

Some red or green grapes in a bunch
Make a tasty addition to lunch.
If you let them ferment,
They can help you get bent—
Drinking grapes will take off, I’ve a hunch.

“What to call this place? I dunno, mate.
It’s a desert, I s’pose. And... no, wait...
It’s a big desert, and
There’s a shitload of sand.
It’s a Great Sandy Desert.” “Damn straight.”

“These old papers reach up to my head!
And there’s boxes all over your bed.
All this junk is obscene—
The whole place needs a clean.”
“I love trash,” Oscar grouchily said.

The grugru nut grows on a palm
In Brazil. There are projects to farm
It for oil, an idea
Which its backers are clear
Would protect the world’s forests from harm.

The nut of the grugru or macauba palm has a hard shell and an endosperm tasting of coconut. It yields two kinds of oil suitable for biodiesel and for human consumption, and can be harvested from existing trees on agricultural farmland with no change in land use. The production potential of macauba oil exceeds global palm oil production, with clear potential benefits for the world’s rainforests.

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