Definitely Limericks: Fi-Fo

Having saved almost nothing by fifty,
I have fifteen years left to be thrifty:
Having one of those pensions
That everyone mentions
To pay for baked beans would be nifty.

In reciting his spell, Harry’s mission
Is to reach every wizard’s ambition:
Make herbaceous plants scarier.
He chants, “Scrophularia!”
Yep, he’s Figworts School’s finest magician.

Figwort is the common name for around 200 species of herbaceous flowering plants of the genus Scrophularia, found throughout the Northern hemisphere.

Since the moment we learnt to make fire,
The flames have leapt higher and higher.
Now they light up the night
As we burn all in sight,
The earth scorched by the torch of desire.

If a train trip’s your personal heaven,
Come to Paddington, six past eleven,
Platform 3, carriage B,
And prepare to go “Squee!”:
First Great Western will take you to Devon!

You could buy an FJ once to suit
Any Aussie: sedan, van or ute.
Of the cars made by Holden,
This model’s an old ’un;
Them bodgie blokes thought it was beaut.

The Holden FJ was manufactured from 1953 to 1957, during the height of Australia’s “Bodgie and Widgie” era.

The Falklands’ domain, .fk,
Could provoke (as in “no f-king way”),
Those who call them Malvinas,
Who are not quite as keen as
The locals on what ICANN say.

Argentina maintains a claim to the islands it calls Islas Malvinas, and has complained to the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers about the continued existence of the Falkland Islands’ domain, dot F K.

When a takeaway offers you flake,
It’s no choccie deep-fried by mistake.
If yer still in the dark,
It’s the Aussie for shark,
Served with chips and a Coke or a shake.

If wrapping your jaws around Jaws
Is a prospect that gives you some pause:
What you’ll put in your tummy
Is probably Gummy.
Great Whites you can’t bite, say state laws.

To encapsulate Greek gods, I’ve found
That to highlight key features is sound.
Hermes’ fleetness of foot
Meant he’d speedily put
First his left foot, then right, on the ground.

Madagascar once used to use francs
For its businesses, budgets and banks.
This French-derived cash
Du peuple malgache
Should be shortened to Fmg, thanks.

The Malagasy franc, abbreviated either to Fmg (for franc malgache) or MGF, was the currency of Madagascar for most of the twentieth century. In January 2005 it was replaced by the ariary, a denomination with which it had coexisted for many years, at a conversion rate of five to one. At the time of its replacement, 1 Fmg was worth €0.000087.

If some lecherous bloke at a bar
Starts to snigger out loud, “Fnarr fnarr,”
Just what does he intend? Oh,
Some crude innuendo,
Like, “She’ll have a large one.” Har har.

To fold up a napkin, pay heed:
Take a corner—yes, one’s all you need—
Lift it slowly, and then
Bring it over; again,
Take another, and lift... watch your speed...

Rapid folding is extremely dangerous. You could break your napkin.

When the forecast was sunshine, it snowed.
A light drizzle? The dams overflowed.
Now they say we’re due drought,
And I can’t figure out:
What does this doubtful statement forebode?

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