Definitely Limericks: Em-En

“Your email attachment was broken,”
Wrote my manager. “Surely you’re jokin’,”
I replied. “It’s a Word doc.
Not working? Absurd, doc.”
“Enough!” he mailed. “Outlook has spoken.”

We are gods when our children are three.
When they’re ten, we’re the top of their tree.
But once they’re fourteen,
They’d prefer us unseen:
“Mum and Dad, you’re embarrassing me!”

We excel at emission of gas,
And engage in it daily, en masse,
Spewing dangerous fumes
In voluminous plumes
From our cars and our chimneys. Alas!

Emojis are perfect for chat.
Here’s a 🐼 , a 🐶 and a 😺,
Some 🌹🌹🌹, a 🌵...
You’d 👍 some, to practice?
Don’t 😨—just copy all that.

Emojis are perfect for chat.
Here’s a [panda], a [dog] and a [cat],
Some [roses], a [cactus]...
You’d [like] some, to practice?
Don’t [worry]—just copy all that.

These emperors tower over all
Where the blizzards relentlessly squall.
In the bleak August night,
Male penguins sit tight
On their eggs, heeding fatherhood’s call.

“On our empire, the sun never sets,,”
Said Victorian Britain. But let’s
Compare past ones, like Rome:
In the end, you head home—
Though a colony never forgets.

There was once a poetical man
Whose limerick lines didn’t scan.
I’ll offer a sample:
He wrote, for example,
“The Empire of the Rising Sun was Japan.”

An homage to that infamous young man from Japan who would “always try to cram as many words into the last line as I possibly can”.

Magnolia felt such repulsion
At regular household emulsion
That viewing beige paint
Made her shudder and faint,
And occasionally have a convulsion.

Perhaps it was because she shared her name with the UK’s most popular colour of emulsion, a water-based matt paint used on interior walls.

I feel a profound enervation
Of body and mind... dissipation
Of energy... tiredness...
That follows the wiredness
Whenever I’m led to temptation.

The English: a diffident race,
Who display, on the whole, not a trace
Of imperial pride,
Nor a stubborn divide
Between classes. (Says he, with straight face.)

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