Definitely Limericks: Aw-Az

Dude! You should do it! You should!
It’s amazingly, awesomely good!
First you jump from the plane,
Then the rush melts your brain!
I would do it myself, if I could.

But I’ve got this back problem, see...

Ol’ Grandpa avoided much strife
By steering folks’ praise to his wife,
Disavowing all credit,
With a smile as he said it,
Aw-shucksing his way through his life.

The butchery staff wouldn’t stop
Cutting work, ’cos of beefs with the shop.
They were way too relaxed—
’Til their jobs were all axed.
Now they’re gutted it got ’em the chop.

When Grandpa dispatched Uncle Max
With an axe in exactly six whacks,
He became an axe murderer.
Keep Mum from the word, or ’er
Heart will give out from such facts.

If someone’s exceedingly driven,
This is axiomatically given:
He should certainly stop,
Else the curtain may drop.
What’s the point, if a life’s not worth livin’?

The aye-aye likes night—he’s a ghost
Who retires by dawn, at the most.
He sticks his long finger
Where most wouldn’t linger—
To winkle out grubs for his toast.

A nocturnal lemur from Madagascar with a long, bony middle finger.

Ayers Rock rises into the blue
From the heart of the Outback, and through
Early evening and morning,
The colours adorning
It captivate: that’s Uluru.

We’re the Blues Brothers. [Viewers applaud.]
I’m Elwood, he’s Jake. There’s the squad!
They’re not gonna catch us;
No driver can match us,
’Cause we’re on a mission from God.

Dan Aykroyd is probably best-known for this role, created with John Belushi
for Saturday Night Live, which led to the renowned 1980 movie.

Azazel was evil, my child!
This demon lived out in the wild:
The Hebrews would send
Him a scapegoat, and blend
Of scapecheeses, both Tasty and Mild.

Okay, maybe not the goat’s cheese, but in the Middle East they
use it everywhere. The original scapegoats were actual goats sent out
into the wilderness on the Jewish Day of Atonement as the symbolic
bearers of sins.

If an Aztec should suddenly feel
Like popping downtown for a meal
Of tamales and maize,
Why, the trip could take days—
Aztechnology bypassed the wheel.

The Aztecs knew about the wheel, but used it only in toys, not
vehicles—which makes the Pontiac Aztec SUV doubly ironic.

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