Definitely Limericks: Cs-Cz

Watch the charming Hungarian prance
To the csardas, his national dance!
From a gentle beginning,
He leaves his girl spinning—
A dashing, if whirlwind, romance.

The csardas (CHAH-dash) starts slowly and ends in a rapid and wild dance, with the women wearing whirling wide skirts.

If the ctenophore’s not a true jelly,
Then why the gelatinous belly?
It’s plankton, it seems,
And it combs the extremes
Of the oceans, as seen on the telly.

Ctenophores, or comb jellies, lack the stinging cells of true jellyfish but have connective tissues and a nervous system. They vary in size from a few millimetres to a metre or more long, range from shallow waters to the deep sea, and form much of the world’s plankton biomass.

Though maintaining a boastful exterior,
We fear others are largely superior.
The cultural cringe
Is the name for our whinge
That Australian life is inferior.

When a rich bastard wants to insult yer,
He’ll accuse you of having no culture.
“What a cultureless swine!”
This Lord Snooty will whine.
Better cultureless, mate, than a vulture.

I agree a fair price with you now
For this currency; later, you vow,
You’ll deliver the lot.
What a future I’ve got—
It’s a contract for coining it, yow!

Or so the purchaser hopes. Sellers of currency futures are effectively locking in an agreed exchange rate for a certain amount of foreign currency that they will be receiving at some future date, to protect against falls in its value in the meantime. The purchasers of such futures hope that the currency will rise in value against their own, and that they can then pocket the difference.

The cursitors made out the writs
In the damn Court of Chancery—it’s
Where the screwed sought redress
Beyond law, but the mess
That ensued got on Dickens’s tits.

The English High Court of Chancery (merged with the law courts in 1873) dealt in equity rather than law: it could direct someone to act or not to act, which was often more valuable than the monetary damages available through the law courts. Its system of precedents lost much of its original flexibility; Dickens’s Bleak House parodied the excessive time and expense that resulted.

I’m finding it tricky to think
When this cursor does nothing but blink
At the end of each line...
My beginning was fine,
But the ending, I’m certain, will stink.

When a sheila is shapely and curvy,
It really seems cheeky and nervy
To ask for a dance,
But reserve means your chance
Is remote to do anything pervy.

If it’s Pidgin you personally speak,
Block your ears when you’re taking a peek
At this possum-like creature,
Or kwiktaim he’ll teach yer,
’Cos cuscuses curse a blue streak.

Kwiktaim is Tok Pisin (Pidgin) for “soon”. Cuscuses in Papua New Guinea speak Pidgin if you listen verrrry closely.

Take this dish, and take aim at Melissa...
Try more to the left, or you’ll miss ’er...
Now, up a bit... No,
No, no, further... Now, throw!
There, a custard pie, right in the kisser.

“The other Mollusca are duller
Than cuttles,” was how I would lull ’er
To sleep as I’d natter
Of cephalopod chatter,
“’Cos cuttlefish prattle in colour.”

Cuttlefish are some of the most intelligent of all invertebrates. They communicate by flashing different colours across their skin, yet are colourblind themselves—they instead detect light polarization, which enhances their perception of contrast.

A cutwater’s either the edge
Of a prow or the prominent wedge
On the pier of a bridge,
So that past either ridge
Water flows—at a clip, I’d allege.

My curriculum vitae (CV)
Is a bullet-point bio of me:
My degrees, date of birth,
And lamentable dearth
Of old money to keep me job-free.

Telling pooches to cwtch means “lie down”
When you’re each in some cushy Welsh town.
If you want to look butch,
Then you’d better not cwtch
The dogs’ owner—he’ll shoot you a frown.

...because the verb also means to cuddle and to conceal; the noun means either a cuddle or a cubby-hole.

“Chest X-ray”, the card on his bed
Had directed (it actually read
“CXR”, but whatever),
But Chester was never
Examined—by dawn, he was dead.

Any action we take using bits
Is the province of cyberlaw. It’s
What controls, if not neuters,
Our use of computers
To freely download all the hits.

In cyberspace, everyone delves
Into e-books on virtual shelves,
While discussing their day
With i-friends far away
Who know only their avatar selves.

The young Web struck a tubular mood:
All those pages of data we viewed
Were like waves on a sea
In the Netscape, so we
Said we cybersurfed. Gnarly, eh, dude?

In Czechoslovakia, beer
Was a useful distraction from fear.
A Budvar or two
Turned a red sky to blue,
And a Pilsner meant springtime was here.

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