Definitely Limericks by Rory Ewins


GST: goods and services tax.
When ideologues take an axe
To progressive taxation,
Their plan for the nation
Is to hike GST to the max.

A value-added tax, known in some countries as a goods and services tax, is similar to sales tax but is levied on the price of a product or service at each stage of production, distribution, or sale to the end consumer. It is a form of regressive taxation, imposing a relatively greater burden on the poor.

GST is an indirect tax.
When a right-leaning government lacks
Enough income, this charge
Becomes ever more large:
The flat tax a lean treasury backs.

Grand Theft Auto (the game) is such fun!
Here’s the car that you stole, and a gun.
Now go do something shitty
In Liberty City,
And when the cops notice you, run.

Grand Theft Auto or GTA (1997) and its many successors, set in thinly-veiled versions of New York (Liberty City), Miami (Vice City) and San Francisco (San Andreas), is one of the most popular franchises in video game history. The latest instalment, Grand Theft Auto V (2013), is the second best-selling video game of all time, after Minecraft.

Her training consisted of gunnery—
Projectile and general gun-fun-ery,
Lots of shooting and strafing—
Which is why she was chafing
At the way guns were shunned in her nunnery.

A cowardly fellah Down Under
Gets commonly called gutless wonder.
He runs from a fight
At the hint of a slight,
And he’ll never own up to a blunder.

On our highways, a low-powered car
Gets called gutless as well, plus there are
Gutless powertools, hoovers
An’ electrical doovers:
Gutless wonders, the lot of ’em are.

“Stick around for my GVT sermon,”
Said Arnold. “The way to determine
A workout for all
Is to simply recall
That the best bodybuilders speak German.”

Even if they’re Austrian. German Volume Training, commonly referred to as the 10x10 workout, is a form of weight training employing high set counts and moderate repetitions.

I drink cendol and bandung and Milo;
Play mah-jongg at casinos, and high-low.
I’m no foreigner here,
Yet the locals still sneer
I’m a “ghost man”—in Asia, a gweilo.

In Southeast Asian English, gweilo, gwailo or gwailou (from the Cantonese for “ghost man”) are Westerners, especially white people. Although the label has a history of pejorative use, Western residents of Hong Kong, Singapore and other Cantonese-speaking areas will often use it of themselves in a more neutral way; some consider it more disrespectful than offensive.

Cendol (CHEN-doll) is made of coconut milk and palm sugar syrup, while bandung (BAN-doong) is made of evaporated or condensed milk and rose syrup; both are delicious, as is Milo, a drink made from chocolate-flavoured malted milk powder popular in Australia (where it was invented), New Zealand, Singapore, Malaysia, and many other countries. Mah-jongg or mahjong is a Chinese tile-based game popular with gamblers, while high-low is a game of poker in which the highest ranking and lowest ranking hands divide the pot equally.

As a term, GXL is quite strange:
It’s a Language for standard eXchange
Of Graphs, with no E.
It’s like XML, see,
Where the X and the E rearrange.

GXL (Graph eXchange Language) isn’t just like XML (eXtensible Markup Language): it’s a sublanguage of XML, used to support interoperability between graph-based software tools.

In Britain, before I was born,
These pinafores—gymslips—were worn
By our schoolgirls. They’re gone,
But their memory lives on
In our uniform-fetishist porn.

These sleeveless tunics with pleated skirts emerged in the 1900s, and by the 1920s had become compulsory for girls in many private, convent and high schools in Britain. Now largely replaced by modern-style uniforms, their use by The Sun in 1991 on its notorious Page 3 led MP Clare Short to condemn such imagery as “clearly intended to present schoolgirls as sexual objects”.

Liquid Swords is the album to play
For some GZA—he’s Genius, some say.
The Wu-Tang Clan rapper
Made a gritty foot-tapper
That hip-hop fans still love today.

GZA is pronounced JIZZ-ah, which easily embarrassed fans must pretend not to hear when others chant it at his concerts. His 1995 solo album features on many lists of essential hip-hop albums.

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