Definitely Limericks: Cp-Cr
The ad cost us six thousand bucks,
But the cost of each mille is the crux.
So for twelve thousand views,
That’s five hundred we lose
For each thousand who know that it sucks.
CPM = cost per mille
A journalist wanting words checked
Leaves a note for a sub to detect.
His method of quelling
Each dubious spelling?
Write after it cq (correct).
I know that you like Patrick Swayze,
But saying that Martin Scorsese
Picked him first as Jesus?
Think mental diseases.
Think loony. Think loco. Think crazy.
“O brother of mine, have you heard?
They’re apparently dropping a word
From the dictionary.” “Really?”
“Yeah, credulous, clearly.
Next, gullible’s getting the bird.”
The lizard that crawls on the steeple
Was formerly known as a “creeple”.
A label the same
Was applied to the lame—
Not creatures, however, but people.
If a reptile refers to “the sheeple”
When he’s speaking of your kind of people,
You can therefore suggest
That you’re less than impressed
By describing the creep as a creeple.
“As a rigger, my fingertips tingle
When threading a line through a cringle.
Those looped strands of rope
Give a sailor fresh hope.”
“It’s amazing to think you’re still single.”
To winkle a strand from a rope
Wouldn’t rankle a crewmember, nope.
But to wangle a crengle? A
Task set by Mengele.
Most would abandon all hope.
This condiment bottle’s a crewet—
Its purpose is plain to intuit.
Take care with the stopper!
You could come a cropper
Removing... oh, screw it, just do it.
My grandmother made, for a laugh,
This needlework neckwear, where half
Of the garment is coated
In tunes, quarter-noted:
She crocheted this crotcheted scarf.
Crocheted is stressed on the first syllable outside America.
Cro-Magnons were cave-dwellers who
Looked like me and potentially you,
With a prominent chin,
Rising forehead, and thin,
Gracile figure—that’s me, through and through.
So you feel a bit crook, do ya, mate?
It’s perhaps ’cos of somethin’ you ate.
Either that, or a cold—
Or you’re just gettin’ old.
Take these pills after dinner, an’ wait.
