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No Leg to Stand On

Now, everybody, I understand that not all of you want to chop off your legs, but the fact remains that 52% of the British people voted to chop off our legs, and although many of those were deceived by the Leg Amputation for Victory party, we in the Remain Standing party need to respect the result, even if it means chopping off our legs. So, as you know, I as leader instructed our MPs to support the government’s plan to go ahead and schedule the operation to chop off everyone’s legs, under threat of chopping off their party support, and we will be running in this election on a platform of strategic non-obstruction of the LeAVers’ plan for mass amputation.

As it happens, our own party once included chopping off everyone’s legs in our 1983 manifesto, and even if you may have found your legs intermittently useful in the 34 years since, especially those who were yourselves too young to walk in the 1980s, I think you’ll agree that it’s important to remain true to our original Remain Standing principles, especially when some of our more elderly members remain stuck in 1983. True, they may have no need for legs themselves, as many are now in wheelchairs, but they still have hands and can still fill in ballot papers. I myself am ambivalent about legs, which strike me as a prop to the middle class and its obsession with low-cost travel. I know that many of you are still attached to them, but trust me, on 30 March 2019 you won’t be.

Instead, I and our party will be focussing on the real issue in this campaign, which is the government’s outrageous track record of breaking poor people’s arms, and their plans to operate on our back doors via the back door.

21 April 2017 · Comment

General Dejection

So much for fixed-term parliaments. Under a first-past-the-post election with badly divided anti-Tory forces, it’s hard to see how we’ll end up with anything other than more Conservative MPs, a devastated Labour Party, and a supposed mandate for the toughest, hardest, reddest-whitest-and-bluest Brexit, which has to be why May called it three years early. That, and sidestepping some unwelcome by-elections.

The thought of a general election
Fills Remainers with abject dejection,
As Brexiteers glory
In thoughts of a Tory
Supremacy, free from correction.

Read More · 19 April 2017 · 1 Comment

In Through the Out Door

Hate crime rises across London.

The struggle to be British.

Immigration controls’ consequences for freedom.

Europe’s child-refugee crisis.

Ken Clarke: “I’ve never seen anything as mad or chaotic as this.”

John Major: “That was an historic mistake.”

Ireland’s Brexit meltdown.

Theresa May’s empty Brexit promises.

The US billionaire waging war on the media. How he backed Brexit.

Arron Banks: “Brexit was a war. We won.”

Are you angry yet?

10 April 2017 · Comment

Escaped Lion

Read More · 29 March 2017 · Comment

Here’s a panorama of the Dazzle Ship in Leith by Ciara Phillips, which didn’t quite fit in my recent gallery. Click for bigger.

Dazzle Ship by Ciara Phillips

16 March 2017 · Comment

Fisheye Castle

Edinburgh Castle, 6 March 2016

Stitching together a panorama can produce strange effects. This fisheye view of Edinburgh Castle was actually a series of shots, taken from nearby Castle Terrace eleven months ago.

9 February 2017 · Comment

Standing in the English Rain

Owen Jones and Nick Clegg discuss Brexit. Nationalism and Brexit. A full English Brexit is on the menu. Whether you’re leave or remain, Theresa May just betrayed you. We clearly don’t understand sovereignty. Brexiters are destroying this country.

As an Australian who’s lived in Britain for over fifteen years, I’ve naturally kept an eye on GBP-AUD exchange rates. Here’s the rate on this day in 2007: £1 = A$2.48. In 2011 it was A$1.60. In 2016, after clawing back from the credit crunch: A$2.07. Today it’s back at A$1.63.

Tell me again, o Leavers and media, how the referendum result has had no economic impact. (And I wish everyone would stop saying that Brexit has had no impact. Brexit still hasn’t happened yet. Heaven help us if it does.) Here’s something I wrote in October, which remains (ha) bitterly relevant.

Apparently, Brexit means Brexit:
For Prime Minister May, Britain’s exit
From Europe is certain.
May May end up hurtin’
Our future? I reckon this wrecks it.

19 January 2017 · Comment

An English Summer

Here’s another gallery for Detail, based on a folder of holiday snaps I’ve been meaning to turn into one for years: a few days of an English summer in Yorkshire and Lincoln.

17 January 2017 · Comment

Panoramas III

Time to start adding galleries again to Detail, with a third collection of panoramas from the past few years of camping trips, mini-breaks and outings around Scotland. I have some international ones in the wings as well.

16 January 2017 · Comment

←UK Culture in 2016