Archaeology

When digging through some old files of forum and workshop comments from my most active years on the OEDILF, I unearthed some throwaway verses that were worth cleaning up and putting on display, like old glass bottle-stoppers dug out of the mud.

 

These Be the Bes (2007)

Lovers of Britain are equally smitten
By Betjeman, poet, and Benjamin Britten.
Hopeless nostalgics, their oeuvres’ll fetch ’em in:
Music by Britten and poems by Betjeman.
 

Yo, Highness (2008)

Poet Laureate Andrew Motion once wrote a rap poem celebrating Prince William’s coming of age. This isn’t that.

Happy 21st birthday, Prince Wills!
You’re a hip-hoppin’ royal who ills
Your republican foes,
And you got yer Mum’s nose.
When you’re King, we’ll be havin’ mad thrillz.
 

Conjoined Haiku (2008)

Autumn approaches
As chill breezes encounter
Late summer’s remains
And trees grow naked
Their leaves spiralling downwards
Whispering “banzai!”
 

Cattle Battle (2009)

In Texas, the cowboys engage in pitched battle
With people who misunderstand the word cattle.
To tell ’em a calf isn’t cattle will rattle
The crustiest cowpoke, and certainly that’ll
Bring cries of “Enough o’ your ignorant prattle!
Get back on your horse and ride home to Seattle!”
 

The Limit (2016)

A paradox noted by Zeno
Declares that there really can be no
Winning races we run
Against those who’ve begun
Far ahead of us. Still, what did he know.
 

Vooting (2010/2022)

A found poem, lightly edited from an old workshop comment. Based on a true story.

My brother used to keep guinea pigs
All named after food
Chocolate, Cinnamon, Strawberry

We always called that noise they make
Vooting

One evening we were watching
A documentary about Peru
While he was playing in the background

We saw some shots of guinea pigs
And said
Look, guinea pigs!

He looked up
Just as the picture changed
To a guinea pig roasting on a spit

VOOOT, vooot, voot
 

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