Four Fairy Tales

A selection of limericks, two old and the rest new, inspired by years of bedtime stories.

Goldie Shocks

A furry young bear cub took fright
Coming home with his family one night:
“My porridge was eaten!
They’ve broken my seat, ’n
They’re still in my bed that’s just right!”

Hair Piece

“Pray, hush now, and let down thy hair!”
Calls the prince to the maiden so fair,
So that lusty Rapunzel
Unwinding her buns’ll
Allow him to clamber up there.

Beans Talk

When young Jack cross-examined my client,
The big oaf came across as defiant:
He said, “Fee, fi, fo, fum,”
And made threats. Pretty dumb—
I should know not to act for a giant.

Ginger Snaps

In our story, the gingerbread man,
A person-shaped biscuit, began
As a substitute child
Who broke free and ran wild.
(Just suspend disbelief, if you can.)

With the boast, “Run as fast as you can—
You can’t catch the gingerbread man!”
He’d evade all who did,
Every farmer, cow, kid,
Till he met a sly fox with a plan.

“Ride my tail as we swim,” said the fox,
And he did. “Ride my back to those rocks,”
And he did. “Ride my head,”
And he did... Snap! He’s dead.
(Many fairy tales feature such shocks.)

The moral is, be more discreet
In your dealings with strangers you meet.
Never boast you’ll elude ’em
Or gloat that you’ve screwed ’em,
When, man, you’re enticing to eat.

4 September 2017 · Whatever

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