Mr Whippy

A seedy looking character (Steve Field), carrying a tray with items for sale on it, trundles onstage and looks furtively around for signs of cops. Then looks at his watch.
Mr WTwo a.m... that should do it... MISTER WHIPPY! Mister Whippy! Get your ICE CREAMS here! GET your icecreams! (And drugs.) AND your ICE CREAMS! They're luverly! SOFT-SERVE! And heroin! SPEEDy service! Get 'em here! Thirty-one ECSTATIC flavours! NEAPOLITAN! Colombian! Raspberry Ripple! Marijuana Munch! Get your...
A policeman (Rory Ewins) walks onstage.
CopperAllo allo allo. And what might you be selling at this time of night, my good man?
Mr WIce cream, guv. Good stuff man. Sir.
CopperDo you think I was born yesterday?! Nobody sells icecream at this time of night!
Mr WNo, really, I thought the punters heading home from that Rave over there might fancy a quick choc-ice.
CopperOh yes? (Looks at Mr W's tray) What are all these funny pills then?
Mr WUh... dolly mixture. Man.
CopperDolly mixture! DOLLY MIXTURE!... Right you are then. (He starts to leave.)
Mr WUh—fancy an icecream guv?
CopperThat's very civil of you. Don't mind if I do.
Mr WWhat'll it be?
CopperI'll have some smack.
Mr WHot fudge sauce?
Cut lights.


First performed by Three Men and a Penguin at the ADC Theatre, Cambridge, April-May 1992.
This page: 12 February 2000; last modified 16 February 2001.

©1992, 2000 Rory Ewins