Current Affairs
| A current affairs programme. We fade in as an MP (James Pooley) speaks to the host (Steve Field). | ||
| Sir K | ... And you'll find that the Labour Party's proposals will result in overspending by 987,243 pounds in that area alone. | |
| Host | 987,000 pounds! | |
| Sir K | 987,243 pounds. And the question is, I think, what does the figure of 987,243 pounds signify—apart from one million pounds with a 2.3867 percent discount? | |
| Host | Yes. (Pause.) Well what does it signify? | |
| Sir K | Well, nothing much. I just wanted to demonstrate my brilliant memory for figures. | |
| Host | Right. Well, turning to the subject of figures, it's often been said, Sir Keith, that you have a very nice figure indeed. | |
| Sir K | Why, thank you very much. | |
| Host | One of the more shapely members of the House of Commons, if I may say so. | |
| Sir K | You're too kind. | |
| Host | Is it not true that Giorgio Armani has contracted you to model his new line of spring fashions in Milan? | |
| Sir K | Who told you that? Was it Giorgio? That wasn't supposed to come out until next week! The bitch! | |
| Host | (Turns to audience.) And now, over to our correspondent in Bophuthatswana. | |
| Sir K | It was the Labour Party, wasn't it? It was bloody Labour—they're just jealous because I look good in blue and red... I'll scratch their eyes out... | |
| Fade into next sketch. |
|
1992 First performed by Three Men and a Penguin at the ADC Theatre, Cambridge, November 1992. |
|
