The MAMMOTH
Way out on the tundra of eastern Siberia
Once lived a beast that was stranger than theory: a
Thirteen-foot elephant covered in brown
Shaggy fur from his feet to the top of his crown.
The MAMMOTH—a mammal without any betters!
The MAMMOTH—his name demands capital letters!
A number of climates well-suited his taste,
From the temperate meadows to sub-arctic waste.
He explored Europe’s plains and the fields of Asia
Recording his story: a woolly fantasia.
The MAMMOTH—the greatest whose story’s been told!
The MAMMOTH—so big that I’ll write it in bold!
The cave-bear, the sabre-tooth, even the lion,
Were daunted by mammoths; they wouldn’t dare try on
A monster that size—not unless they outnumbered
Him twenty to one, and were all unencumbered.
The MAMMOTH—his heaviness just wouldn’t quit!
The MAMMOTH—look out, heaven knows where he’ll sit!
Yes, mammoths were top of the ancient food chain;
But they met their demise at the hands of a brain
On two legs by the name of Neanderthal Man
Who decided they’d suit his nutritional plan.
The MAMMOTH—brought low by Neanderthal cravings!
The MAMMOTH—hunt early to get mammoth savings!
The mammoths fought bravely by wielding their tusks,
But eventually all of the landscape was husks
Of enormous brown bodies the size of a boulder,
With seventeen spears sticking out of each shoulder.
The MAMMOTH—the thought of them makes me ecstatic!
The MAMMOTH—these verses can’t get more emphatic!
Today, no more mammoths are here to be found,
Bar the ones that were frozen in permafrost ground;
But whenever you’re hungry, you’ll find all it takes
Is a rapid defrosting of mammoth-size steaks.
The MAMMOTH—colossus before the Deluge!
The MAMMOTH—was wholly humongously HUGE!
Here’s what people said about this entry.
Top of the Pops Rory!
Added by Gareth on a Tuesday in September.
The mammoth has had its gargantuan way for way too long. Let's focus on the little people: the homeless, the ill, the confused and the worthy.
We can make our world so much better by letting go of mammoth plans and working to assist others in need.
Added by Annie Goldflam on a Wednesday in September.
But Annie, wouldn't you agree that, as the above contribution to the mammoth literature argues (Ewins 2004, verses 7-9), the mammoth was as much a victim of homonid indifference as anyone?
Added by Rory on a Wednesday in September.
Siberia/theory: a
you are a bloody genius :)
Added by shauny on a Wednesday in September.
