Defining Moments

While we’re all waiting for my action-packed post about Paris (okay, while I’m waiting for it), here are some more limericks for the OEDILF. I could just link directly to my author page, but where’s the fun in that? Besides, this way I get to subvert their punctuation rules.

Historical Note: I’ve now copied all of these to another part of the site for easier updating and maintenance; some of these early versions are a bit rough around the edges.

The dog and the wolf have both starred
In movies and books of regard
And even a civet
Or hyena will rivet
But aardwolves are doing it ’ard

“Afforest” is when you ensure
Your land is all leafy and pure
And all that’s around
Becomes hunting ground
(It’s also a song by The Cure)

Afibrinogenemia
Is similar to plain anaemia,
With no fibrinogen
Or no oxygen in
Blood; cf. hypoglycemia.

If someone insists categorical
That Hitler consulted an oracle
Who convinced him to
Invade Kalamazoo
I tell ’em that sounds ahistorical

There once was a wanton young bimbo
Who danced a peculiar limbo
She’d flail around
As she sank to the ground
And rise with her arms set akimbo

A pale-skinned Roman albino
Preferred cafe bars to drink vino
“One more bottle of red!”
“Eurgghhhh... my head...”
“Waiter! A strong cappucino!”

Analogy’s hard to explain
In only a five-line refrain
It’s like trying to
Describe what you do
In three quarters of a quatrain

Varieties of animation
That you can see on any station
Include anime
And stop-motion clay
And many a moving creation

If Donald could only have waited
Until his outrage had abated
He’d stop with the quacks
And start to relax
But no, he’s just too animated

The apteryx (commonly “kiwi”)
Trumps the bird Scots call a “peewee”
In terms of its size
But not when it tries
To fly; ’cause it cannae, don’t ye see

Aqua, a light greenish blue
And aquamarine, the same hue
Both stem, as they oughta
From aqua, for water
The stuff that the pisces swim through

The posterior, or the arse,
Is a popular subject of farce
Many actors will find
They’re surprised from behind
In plays without very much class

I also wrote this one before realising that I’d overshot the aa- to ar- range:

The asterisk mark is by far
Among the best marks that there are.
It’s used to append
Extra words at the end
Or whenever you need a *
*star.

These three are my rewrites of other people’s limericks:

Whenever your goal is affixing
A dozen things, one thing, or six thing
Make sure your adhesive
Is plenty cohesive
Or it won’t be a fixing-that-sticks thing.

When your cycling’s looking quite shonky
And you ride like a three-legged donkey
You’re not an eccentric
Your axle’s acentric
And it’s making your back wheel wonky

A fencer who thought he’d been leading
Was suddenly foiled and bleeding
He said to his foe,
“I’ll not bow to you! No!
I’ve never believed in acceding.”

The last one led to some debates about meter (foiled has two syllables, sez me) and whether limericks should be anapests or iambs, to which I responded:

Anapests are a pain in the bum
And as limericks go, they’re no fun.
I don’t like ’em at all
And they make my skin crawl
So I try not to write even one.

O give me the joys of an iamb!
It’s wonderful noise, and so i am
Addicted to writing
So quick to be sighting
And sick of their slighting; just try ’em.

(I’m not actually that dogmatic about it, but you can’t fit much subtlety into five lines.)

I also wrote a few entries for an OEDILF-inspired contest which I’ll tack onto this post when the embargo has passed.

Here’s what people said about this entry.

Added by Rory on a Tuesday in September.

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