A Cure for Filter

It looks like I’ve discovered the one site on the web that’s more addictive than the one that’s more addictive than crack. Hopefully it’ll slow down now that I’ve scored a century. I haven’t even been reading blogs... that’s some metadone.

Here are my latest. The first is an old word for “abnormal”.

Historical Note: I’ve now copied all of these to another part of the site for easier updating and maintenance; some of these early versions are a bit rough around the edges. (I posted a couple of further limerick updates in October, but removed those entries as part of the transfer.)

When it came time for Nature to form us
She gave us no fur coat to warm us—
Though some are too hairy
(Like werewolves—quite scary):
The ones who she turned out abnormous.

Said a man to the reverend, “So,
Your mate Jesus... like, how can you know?
Don’t you find it quite odd,
This assumption he’s God?”
All he said, with abruptness, was “No.”

Our lecturer blamed the abstruseness
Of the book on its patent diffuseness.
But I’m onto his game—
And the author, the same:
I suspect it was just their obtuseness.

She lay on the sheets and said sensually,
“Come talk to me sexy in French, Uli.”
Such a talented man—
He’s a tongue with a tan:
Accomplished in bed and accentually.

Whose dumb idea was it to fix
A verb that was adequate: “mix”?
What brought them to blend
A before with that end
To create the admixture, “admix”?

The neuropterous insect, the alderfly,
Sits squarely within the Sialidae.
His antennae and wings
And ant-lion siblings
Are entirely admired by all and I.

A masochist with algophilia
Said “Come on; the pain wouldn’t kill ya!”
His friend said, “What rot!
Look, I am, you’re not,
Algophobic, so shut up, man, will ya?”

The candidate stunned the whole nation
When he rapped a mathematic equation.
“Al Gore isn’t rhythmic,
He’s just algorithmic!
... Have we made a bad miscalculation?”

Aloha’s a word for “hello,” a
Hawaiian term heard in Hilo; a
Pronouncement of greeting
(They use it when meeting),
But also farewell; so, aloha!

An alternative way to write these
(Unlike finding good words that will please)
Is to choose randomly;
Or alternatively,
You could head out and take in the breeze.

Scooping up four undefined words in one go:

Amazingly, no one has chosen
These words; with amazement I’m frozen.
My amazedness knows
No bounds; I suppose
(Amazedly) they’ve all been dozin’.

If a Roman was looking to store a
Selection of wines, then a foray
To ancient ICEA
Was just the idea:
They stocked a great many amphorae.

Fiona was caught unawares
When, as they got up from their chairs,
Her date said, “Hey Fee,
How would you like to see
The aquatints I keep upstairs.”

Some said it was hooked like a beak;
Some saw it and hardly could speak.
Whatever they did,
People said this of Sid:
His aquiline nose was unique.

The work in the Louvre ain’t charmless,
So why not go look? It’s quite harmless.
There’s lots that’s beguiling,
Like Mona, who’s smiling,
And Venus de Milo, who’s armless.

A thespian said to a priest
“You’re a vicar, but I’m an artiste!”
Said the priest, “So you say.
But a great one? No way.
Compared to us guys, you’re the least.”

Thanks to the OEDILF workshopping process I’ve done a few co-writes and re-writes lately. Here’s one of mine as improved, significantly, by Chris Doyle:

With acid it’s neato and keeno,
This compound (organic) amino:
Abundant and rife
And essential for life,
Kinda like what we call cappuccino.

Here’s my rewrite of a piece by Paul “mino” Cowan:

Amraphel—some guy in a crown—
Had it in for his neighbouring town:
Reckoned people in Sodom
Were “creepy, so sod ’em,”
And slaughtered ’em with their pants down.

And an almost total rewrite of one by Seth Brown:

A lass who enjoyed domination
Was cracking her whip with elation;
As he crawled on the floor,
Her fiancé said, “More!”
Giving lashes of firm approbation.

While I’m doing the... adult ones, here’s one that isn’t in the OEDILF in this form:

Here’s a question that’s likely to vex you all:
How do you know you’re a bisexual?
Do you try it each way?
Or just wait for that day
When some fucking authority checks you all?

Too rude for the OEDILF, so I changed it to a pun on “either/or” (“some either-authority”); and in there it’s “ambisexual”, not “a bisexual”.

Finally, I’ve saved my favourite for last. An aftershaft is a small feather arising from the shafts of certain others in many birds:

Who’s the feather beneath a black duck or
Some chick, whether tweeter or clucker?
Aftershaft! You’re damn right.
Can ya dig it? All night.
Aftershaft is a baaad motherplucker.

Here’s what people said about this entry.

"Aloha" and "armless" are both stunning.

Added by BT on a Monday in October.