Cheap as Chips

Welcome to the first in a series of Speedysnail recipes for the budget-minded gourmet.† Each week we’ll be showing how to entertain your friends in style without stretching your bank balance—or your waistline! This week, sit back and enjoy the satisfying goodness of that old British favourite, the mushy pea.

Tesco Value Mushy Peas

For only 10p a tin (Tesco, May 2004) you get 300g (5 servings) of Rehydrated Processed Marrowfat Peas, Water, Sugar, Salt, Mint Extract, and Colours (Tartrazine, Green S). It’s so versatile! Just follow these recipeas (ha!) and send your guests green with envy. Or S.

Classic Mushy Peas

1. Empty contents of can into a saucepan.
2. Heat gently for 3-4 minutes, stirring occasionally.
3. Serve.

Serves: 5. Cost: 2p per serving.

Peas Italian

1. Empty contents of can into a saucepan.
2. Heat gently for 3-4 minutes, stirring occasionally.
3. Serve, pointing out small print on label that says “Produced in Italy”.

Serves: 5. Cost: 2p per serving.

Pea Soup

1. Empty contents of can into a saucepan.
2. Add 1-2 cans of water to taste.
3. Bring to the boil.
4. Serve.

Serves: 5. Cost: 2p per serving.

Pease Porridge

1. Empty contents of can into a saucepan.
2. Borrow a cup of oatmeal from next door, and add that.
3. Heat on medium for 6-7 minutes.
4. Serve.

Serves: 5. Cost: 2p per serving.

Pease Porridge Cold

As Pease Porridge, but serve cold.

Pease Porridge in the Pot

Wait three days before serving. If symptoms persist, seek medical advice.

Maple Truffles in Cream

1. Thinly slice five truffles.
2. Saute in unsalted butter.
3. Add 250ml pure maple syrup, 300ml Cornish clotted cream, 10g saffron.
4. Oh yeah, and a can of mushy peas.
5. Boil.
6. Serve.

Serves: 5. Cost: £11.02 per serving.

†Series may only contain one instalment. If you’re lucky.

Here’s what people said about this entry.

Andy Warhol would've never made it big if he used _that_ tin.

Added by Graham on a Monday in June.

oh this is GOLD :)

(you've been very prolific lately :) exxxcellent!)

Added by shauny on a Wednesday in June.


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